Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabachthani

Ahem...



It seems like recently, the right thing is the wrong decision. It is a little hard to explain what I am feeling without just itemizing some events. How can I put this? Think about Mario, or Luigi, in the first Mario Bros. game. Mario, hard working guy with mad ups. What does a plumber know about saving damsels from fire breathing dinosaur turtles? Not much, but hell he's going to get it done. So the level starts, and after pitfalls, fireballs, brick walls, and close calls, he finally reaches last room of the castle to save...a toadstool, please try again. All the setup, none of the reward.

That is a good metaphor of what is going on in my head right now; except to be more precise when you get to the end of the castle the guy at the end would have to kick Mario in the nards every time it wasn't really the princess. My outlook on how life is treating me right now is that...you can try your best, it just makes the fall hurt harder. It is as if my fortune is asymptotically bounded before real success. If I try to go beyond that line, reset at the bottom! You know the "right thing" spiel? If you don't know the "right thing," think of an old mid 90's feel good movie. The right thing is what the good guy always does. Work hard, be yourself, be reponsible...feh!

I work hard to get those interviews, only to get shot down. Work hard at a good company I'm excited for, during a hiring freeze. When others won't step up, get kicked down by the same old stuff. I get to graduate on time, and leave new friends I wish I met and stuck with 4 years ago. Look out for others, to find no one else watchin your back. I act myself, only to feel alienated.

I'm done. I quit. I'm tired. I thought things were gonna be different. You win reality...again.

I was going to post lyrics from the very appropriate song "Everything Sucks" by Reel Big Fish that have been on my AIM profile forever. I shouldn't have to post it cause people check AIM profiles every 5 minutes still, amirite? Instead here are some more appropriate lyrics

Cause they say it's gonna happen again
Over and over the fun never ends
You'll go to see the doctor cause you haven't got time for the pain
And he'll say it's gonna happen again
Over and over till your living end
You can't give in to the pain that is on the rise
You'll die a little bit inside

Happened Again - The Littlest Man Band

Of course I'm not gonna leave on that sour note. I have been writing this post all weekend actually. Blogging goes well with brooding. I was really down, until I went to church. God knew what I was going through. He's like psychic or something. Today, Sunday, at mass the responsorial psalm were what I had been thinking for a while now. The priest's homily had one underlying message, the message of the psalm.

"The suffering, is not the end of the story."

Mobile: You put stuff in it.

Falcon BOX!!!

Mobile: The Divide

My friend and I now share a whiteboard at work. So we started a war. Guess which side is mine.

Responsibility and Labels

Let's do a little exercise.

- Think about...hmm...five of your friends names. Just their names.
- Put them in some order. Any order, it doesn't matter. Well at least not for this exercise, ask a shrink. I'm sure the order you put them in actually means you have some repressed daddy issues or something.
- Now think of their appearance. Whole body. In order.
- Now think of some words describing each one of them.

Was any of them "responsible?"

Now think of yourself being thought of by someone else, in this exercise. I'll give you a second to understand what I just asked.

You good?

Ok.

Do you think "responsible," popped up above your head? Maybe, maybe not. I'll tell you one thing. I myself, don't ever want that above my head.

Four years can seem to just fly by when you segment it like the American school system does. It's spring break now, and I've been think a lot of my next steps in life. I've said this before.

Responsibility sucks.

Sure, maturing and "growing up" is how I got to the subject, but this post isn't going to be about those woes. No, no. Responsibility, my friends, is the double-edged sword that has cut me more times than the piece of paper of a 1st grader trying to make a snowflake.

Do I describe myself a responsible person? Most certainly not, but I like to get things done, and I care for the things that matter to me. Too many times have I sacrificed my personal good time just to take care of that which holds a place in my life.

No one ever really wants to be the responsible one. That being said, you can't fight what you are. Being the responsible one is like being the guy you want to bring along for your trip, just because he'll watch your stuff.

I want to be respected. Not labeled.

Have you ever seen that episode of Daria (Who here watched Daria? Anyone?) where someone dies at her school, and everyone goes to her for death therapy? That is what it is like being the responsible one. Everyone goes to you...for work. Everyone comes to you...to rely on. Everyone goes to you...hoping to bail 'em out. Nobody ever comes to you...for a good time. Nobody ever looks up your number...cause you bring the fun.

Labeling people in general is bad. Having a label on someone, is almost like confining your opinion. People get surprised, sometimes, about how people act or when learning certain things. I prefer to question first, how much do you know about a person? How much are you basing your thoughts about a person on knowledge, and how much are you simply inferring?

This post was supposed to be better, but I'm getting tired of writing. Now comes the time to leave you with something poignant.

Labels, good on a can, not on a man.

(I need to blog more, this sucked.)